YOU KNOW WHEN YOU'RE GETTING CLOSE TO RETIREMENT WHEN:
- Your joints are more accurate than the National Weather Service.
- Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.
- The twinkle in your eye is only the reflection of the sun on your bifocals.
- You finally got your head together, now your body is falling apart.
- You wake up with that morning-after feeling and you didn't do anything the night before.
- You don't care where your wife goes, just so you don't have to go along.
- It takes twice as long to do half as much.
- Many of your co-workers were born the same year that you got your last promotion.
- People call at 8 PM and ask, "Did I wake you?"
- Clothes you've put away until they come back in style...have come back in style.
- You look forward to a dull evening.
- Your mind makes contracts your body can't keep.
- The pharmacist has become your new best friend.
- There's nothing left to learn the hard way.
- You come to the conclusion that your worst enemy is gravity.
- You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.
- Your idea of a night out is sitting on the patio.
- You look for your glasses for half-an-hour, and then find they've been on your head all the time.
- The only thing you exercise is caution.
- You wake up, looking like your driver's license picture.
- Happy hour is a nap.
- You begin ever other sentence with, "Nowadays...."
- You don't remember when your wild oats turned to shredded wheat.
- You wonder how you could be over the hill when you don't remember being on top of it.
- Getting lucky means you find your car in the parking lot.
- The little gray-haired lady you help across the street is your wife.
- Your idea of weight lifting is standing up.
- It takes longer to rest than it did to get tired.
- The end of your tie doesn't come anywhere near the top of your pants.
- Your new easy chair has more options than your car.
- Your little black book only contains names ending in M.D.
- Everything hurts, and what doesn't hurt, doesn't work.
- You have too much room in the house and not enough in the medicine cabinet.
- Getting a little "action" means you don't need to take a laxative.
- Younger women start opening doors for you.
- Youthful injuries return with a vengeance.
I hope you enjoyed this little "exercise" in humor. If you can't or don't laugh at yourself, I'm sure you can find someone who will.
An excerpt from the book:
A Funny Thing Happened On My Way To Work... I Retired
A Guide From Work to Life
by Steve Kiefer