2/23/2018


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MoneyMatters101



 

YOU KNOW WHEN YOU'RE GETTING CLOSE TO RETIREMENT WHEN:

  • Your joints are more accurate than the National Weather Service.
  • Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.
  • The twinkle in your eye is only the reflection of the sun on your bifocals.
  • You finally got your head together, now your body is falling apart.
  • You wake up with that morning-after feeling and you didn't do anything the night before.
  • You don't care where your wife goes, just so you don't have to go along.
  • It takes twice as long to do half as much.
  • Many of your co-workers were born the same year that you got your last promotion.
  • People call at 8 PM and ask, "Did I wake you?"
  • Clothes you've put away until they come back in style...have come back in style.
  • You look forward to a dull evening.
  • Your mind makes contracts your body can't keep.
  • The pharmacist has become your new best friend.
  • There's nothing left to learn the hard way.
  • You come to the conclusion that your worst enemy is gravity.
  • You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.
  • Your idea of a night out is sitting on the patio.
  • You look for your glasses for half-an-hour, and then find they've been on your head all the time.
  • The only thing you exercise is caution.
  • You wake up, looking like your driver's license picture.
  • Happy hour is a nap.
  • You begin ever other sentence with, "Nowadays...."
  • You don't remember when your wild oats turned to shredded wheat.
  • You wonder how you could be over the hill when you don't remember being on top of it.
  • Getting lucky means you find your car in the parking lot.
  • The little gray-haired lady you help across the street is your wife.
  • Your idea of weight lifting is standing up.
  • It takes longer to rest than it did to get tired.
  • The end of your tie doesn't come anywhere near the top of your pants.
  • Your new easy chair has more options than your car.
  • Your little black book only contains names ending in M.D.
  • Everything hurts, and what doesn't hurt, doesn't work.
  • You have too much room in the house and not enough in the medicine cabinet.
  • Getting a little "action" means you don't need to take a laxative.
  • Younger women start opening doors for you.
  • Youthful injuries return with a vengeance.

I hope you enjoyed this little "exercise" in humor. If you can't or don't laugh at yourself, I'm sure you can find someone who will.

An excerpt from the book:

A Funny Thing Happened On My Way To Work... I Retired
A Guide From Work to Life
by Steve Kiefer


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