2/23/2018

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Moving On

Is it time for you to move on?

A divorce could be the best thing that you can do for yourself, or it could be the worst. It really depends on the circumstances leading up to the divorce action and whether or not you feel the need to move on. Sometimes divorce is the best solution for a troubled marriage.

There may be good reasons why one, or both spouses, may feel the need to end their marriage, but before making this a final act, both spouses should agree to counseling. It may not keep you together, but unless there is absolutely no love left, it may be a good idea to stop for a moment and have an an open, honest, and thoughtful chat with a marriage counselor.

Some people use the most frivolous of reasons to walk away from their spouses. Maybe they weren't really in love with their spouse in the first place and married just because it seemed like a reasonable thing to do at the time. Believe it or not, this happens frequently. Maybe they got married because of a pregnancy, or maybe for financial security. Some people get married simply because they are lonely and others marry their friends are doing it and they don't want to be left out.

Whatever the reasons for getting married, there are just as many reasons for getting a divorce and the reasons vary greatly depending on marital situations. If there is abuse in a marriage, whether physical or mental, divorce is understandable. Child abuse should never be tolerated period and that should be the quickest route to a divorce.

For all that marriage is built up to be, in terms of religious and social mores, a divorce should be a practical matter that involves the use of common sense, although divorce should, in most cases, be the last resort between a husband and a wife. This is not to say that a person should remain in a marriage if there are underlying circumstances that make it necessary to seek a divorce.

If you are considering divorce, there are several things that you should consider. Divorce should be looked at, not just from a legal, ethical, and/or moral standpoint, but from a financial, emotional, and psychological perspective.

Regardless to the underlying reasons that make you feel that a divorce is absolutely necessary, the aftermath of the divorce action may haunt you for many years. Divorce, even if it is amicable, leaves scars. These scars may not appear in the beginning, but, over time, they may manifest themselves in ways that may not even seem to be related to the divorce, yet they are.

Over time, bouts of deep rooted anger, anxiety, shame, and other emotions can lay dormant and only appear at certain times. Coming in contact with certain people such as the ex-spouse, a mutual friend, family members, one of their co-workers, or a new significant other, can cause these hidden emotions to come to the surface.

Many divorcees often hide their emotions very well, but deep down, they may be overwhelmed by anger, guilt, depression, anxiety, and a host of other emotions. Outside of death, a divorce can be one of the most stressful situations that you can imagine.

Can you move on with your life after a divorce? Sure you can. Once the divorce is finalized, you don't have a choice but to make the best of your new life as an unmarried person. Most people do just fine on their own. Some have a network of friends and family to lean on. Others enlist the help of therapists and/or other professionals.

Although divorce is a legal action that dissolves a marriage, it does not keep divorcees from ever seeing each other again, especially if there are children involved. You may still have some contact, but you will have to live with that. Moving on means starting a new life and finding love and happiness within it.

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