11/25/2017

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Marital Problems

“The difference between an ordinary marriage and an extraordinary marriage is in giving just a little ‘extra’ every day, as often as possible, for as long as we both shall live.” Fawn Weaver

Most married couples go through periods in which turmoil threatens to derail the peace and tranquility of their relationship. There is no such thing as a perfect marriage, a marriage without problems in one form or another. At times, even the happiest marriages have issues. Marital problems happen because life is not perfect, people are not perfect, and there are going to be stormy periods in every marriage that will test the strength and resolve of both spouses.

Many people mistakenly believe that most marriages start falling apart within the first three to five years of a marriage, but studies, and everyday experiences, show that marriages can and do collapse at any time, for any reason, no matter how many years a couple has been together.

Why do marriages get stressed and/or fall apart? The first thing that comes to most people's minds is cheating and infidelity. Cheating is a sure fire way of causing some serious problems in a marriage, but a closer look may indicate that cheating might stem from other, more subtle issues. When a spouse strays, it may be due to something that is happening, or not happening, inside the home.

Problems in marriages are often linked to issues such as money and financial woes, mental and physical abuses, nervous breakdowns, depression, family and inlaw relations, drugs and alcohol usage, and sexual inadequacies.

Sometimes people just get tired of each other and want to get out of a marriage. They become unhappy with their lifestyles and feel trapped in the relationship. It could be that they don't feel the love they once had for their spouse, or they feel that their spouse doesn't love them anymore.

The truth is that some people have a hard time expressing how they feel, and if you want to dig a little deeper, they don't know how they feel. What they once thought was love may have been nothing more than infatuation. Believe it or not, a person can go through a lifetime of marriage not really loving their spouse. They tolerate, respect, and live with the spouse because they made the marital commitment, and decided to stick with it for better or for worse.

Whatever the reasons, relationship woes can test even the healthiest of marriages. You know the ones, like the couple next door who seem to have everything going for them. They have the nice home, drive the newest model cars, wear the latest in fashion designs, eat at the best restaurants, have healthy, well behaved children, good friends, great jobs, and a big smile on their faces every time you see them.

But what you don't see is what takes place behind closed doors. You don't see the anger and arguments, the tears of sadness and depression, the drugs and alcohol abuse, the anger, and the frustration behind financial worries and out of control spending. You don't see the misery, the heartache, or the cold attitudes towards each other, that is, until the husband moves out, the house goes up for sale, and the rumors of divorce hits the streets.

But not every marriage that experience problems end in divorce. On the contrary, most marriages survive and thrive. Some couples separate, spend some time apart, then realize that they really do love each other and want to make their marriage work. They get the necessary counseling, find out what the problems are, work things out, get back together, and many of them live happily ever after.

The beauty of human nature is that people can reason with themselves and with others. They can talk about their problems, or they can seek counseling from a variety of sources such as marriage counselors in their church, a professional therapist, or from other sources.

Having marital problems does not mean the end of a marriage, not by any stretch of the imagination. No matter what the problems are, in most cases, they can be worked out. All couples should know and understand that no marriage is perfect, and if you are having problems in your marriage, before you decide that divorce is the only solution, seek professional help.

You may be surprised to find that your marriage is not as damaged as you thought and it can be held together if you and your spouse seriously work at it. It will take a heavy dose of love and respect for each other.

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